Rascally Ragnil

Rated: Fiction M - English - Adventure - Comedy - [Sftabhmontown] - Chapters: 1 - Words: 692 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 3


Rascally Ragnil

Bjorn gets owned… AGAIN!!!

By: Geoffrey Diamonds, for Ragnil Thornsdotter.

It was a cold day in Sstabhmontown

Bjorn felt very dpressed. He had just found out that he was adopted and that his real parents were potatoe farmers who left him in basket outside church of Fascinius because he was the bad son. His older brother Liam was the good son. Both were still very bad sons but Bjorn was significantly worse.

Since he was feeling bad about himself he did what he ususally does when he feels bad about he and ordered a bard be drawn and quartered while he ate marshmallow fluff straight from the jar. This usually worked for Bjorn but not today.

Suddenly, Ragnil Thornsdotter came in, with Geoffrey Diamonds in tow. “Bjorn I hate you but to see you this way, it hurts. Let us draw you out of this melancholy so we can be proper enemies again.” Geoffrey Diamonds laughed a hearty laugh and

So, the three set their minds to figuring out how to make Bjorn happy again, but not before watching the ceremony of the bard. They sat and thought long and hard about how to make Bjorn happy again. Suddenly, Ragnil came up with an idea. “Bjorn I have an idea! Let us seek out your parents, and we can then set things right with them.” Geoffrey Diamonds shifted uncomfortably in his seat and piped up “I have news… that your parents have turned into monsters, Bjorn. I should have told you earlier.” Bjorn was delighted and slapped the table with a hearty roar. “I am shocked and delighted to hear this!” he said, “I hate them and having them be monsters will make it a little bit less weird when I kill them and mount their heads on the wall.” Ragnil and Geoffrey Diamonds thought this was just a joke but nah Bjorn is serious and does fucked up stuff like that.

So they set out from Bjorn's hotel room in Sstabhmontown and boarded the magnificent flying boat, The Gazpacho Soup. It takes very long for the ship to find its way back to the farm Bjorn grew up on because it is very far away from everything. As it circled above, the Bjorn readies his rope to go down. “Wait, though!” Ragnil said with a sagely air about her “You cannot rush straight in, you need backup!” Bjorn said “You're basic and if anyone is in need of backup, it's your pasty booty!~” Nobody really understood but considering it was a Bjornism it was meant to be insulting and then he jumped from the edge of the boat down to the grond.

He stood in front of the small hut surrounded by potato field and produced he sword. The door was ajar. He kicked it in and yelled “I'M HOME!”, surveying the interior with a quick glance. The hut was bare of all things except for the spartan possessions of potatoe farmers, and two gigantic potatoes in the corner. They wiggle at he and go “Grrr.”, but bjorn makes POTATO CHIPS out of them with his sword!!! His parents had turned into potatoes and he killed them.

Aboard the Gazpacho Geoffrey Diamonds and Ragnil looked over the edge and listened intently until they heard the sounds of combat (which is really just Bjorn going YEAAAA! ARRRRGH! And such). They immediately burst into laughter and between gales of giggles they told the boat to go back to Sstabhmontown. Ragnil says to Geoffrey “I can't believe that worked.” and Geoffrey Diamonds wipes a tear from his eye and says “He's so predictable, what an asshole. If only he knew that his parents moved away from there ten years ago, and those potatoes were polymorphed slugs!”

They rode into the sunset laughing at their wizardly pranks and Bjorn sat in the hut alone crying because he didn't really actually have wanted to kill his parents but it was going to be a really long time before he found out he didn't actually and that kind of thing would probably mess him up even more than he already is.

The End.

rating: +1+x
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