Cleric Lazlow, Curate of Cernunnos, was found with his brother Fenrick while the party was searching for the Sky-Tree in the Forest of Borland. The questing brothers were trying to find a magic flute, to help win the hand of a princess. Having heard that his very good friend Fiskars (they had only recently met but bonded heavily over the short time over fart jokes and fishing) fell to a goddamn panther in the woods, Lazlow took off follow the path Fiskars set out on.

He continued on with the party through a series of misadventures, assisting in the planning and execution of a rescue of Ser Cleve from a pack of winter wolves. By lighting a large fire in the mouth of their den, the air was sucked out of the cave and the wolves ran out into the blades of the waiting adventurers. In the village of Sredhka, Lazlow chose to stay behind in the Inn with a handful of hunters and other party members, to watch over and protect Cleve as he recovered. Also, get really drunk. However, this being the night of the werewolves, when people began to transform Lazlow was helpless to help his elf friend from getting carried off and eaten.

Lazlow soon earned his sea legs through a series of fights aboard the good ship Crimson Dreamweaver, tending as he could to the wounded and missing the dense forests of his homeland. After an extremely eventful series of voyages, the party and Lazlow found themselves in Sftabhmonton once again, where he promptly became intoxicated and insulted the town's Mayor by insinuating ungentlemanly things about his sexual prowess after Corkum flirted with his wife. Quite unwelcome in town, he was more than happy to accept the invitation to Lady Silgia's tower. This too went awry, though, when it turned out the party had been cordially invited to their own arrest.

After a short (and unfair) battle between champions, a deal was struck; liberate Dragonssett from the Fellharts in exchange for amnesty. With other pressing matters at hand, however, Lazlow joined the party in their voyage to the Brannoch, and ultimately Huge Red, to begin hunting down the Lizard Queen and ending the blood rains of Lonhall. Deep inside the tower in Braynoch's Cliff, Lazlow hopes strongly that the guidance and wisdom of his god can still reach him in a place so richly evil. His hide has been saved multiple times here by the direct or indirect action of others, especially including Hobbes, Silent X, Benedictish Frankwich, and High Striker Tuffman (who self-immolated to buy the party more time to escape a trio of spell-slinging lizardjerks and a hasted slime).

Lazlow and Bob take lizardfolk prisoners. Gagged, bound, and blindfolded, they make sacrifices of the unholy creatures to their deity. Lizardskin also makes sweet clothes.

After a very poor seduction attempt by the elf 8-Ball, Lazlow was taken under for a year and a day by Nixies, likely just having a ton of illegitimate children. Joke is on them, though, Lazlow has terrible genes and half-nixie half-shitty chubby cleric babies are going to die fast.

Lazlow is a part of Team Newbie, so he is likely to die very quickly through unlucky circumstances.


  • Annoyed terribly by the people of his home village.
  • Once met a hunter with the same name, who turned out to be a werewolf. Felt utterly betrayed.
  • Fishes a lot, is pretty good at it. Will catch the big one one day.
  • Hopes to become the patron saint of new (and bumbling) adventurers.
  • Is really good at barely surviving things.
  • Helped slay Harald the Weakling
  • Stuck to ballista duty with his friend Bob while the ship sank around them, to kill the giant turtles who were attacking.
  • Helped lay to rest the tortured souls of Burric and Sister Mild.

Disciples of Cernunnos

Those in the party who choose to convert to follow the good word of Cernunnos, will receive direct support and backing from Lazlow himself The Church.

The Passwind Mews

Lazlow is proud half-owner of a home in Huge Red, along with Asdis. It currently resembles nothing more than a stone shoe-box with a rad iron door and ramparts (specially donated by Muramasa Massamune with the stipulation he be able to sleep there), it will eventually hold The Elmon Lemon Memorial Library, with the Bob the Halfling Cookbook section and a poetry collection devoted to a dear fellow who passed recently. There's also a graveyard in the back so the fallen comrades could have a proper burial and allow their souls to pass peacefully into the afterlife.

None of this will, by no means whatsoever, ever come back to bite the party in the arse. In fact, it did bite them in the arse when the land was rezoned and the house destroyed by Baelfjord, for 60 silver. Traitor.

Team Newbie
Members Ruddy Flynn - Lucky Sara - Elmon Lemon - Lazlow
Former Members Tippa The Elf - Fritz The Elf - Katalyn The Elf - Lucky Jack - Fiskars - Linnaeus Proctor - Dignity
rating: +1+x
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