Can Ghosts Have Sex?

Can Ghosts Have Sex?

all the questions an intrepid adventurer like you wanted to ask but didn't want to find out for yourself

1. Can Ghosts Have Sex?
This depends. The act of intimacy with a ghost is actually impossible for mortals, due to the negative energies associated with ghosts immediately killing the person. Ghosts, however, regularly do get it on with each other; spending thousands of years alone in a cave with each other they're bound to eventually put the "erotic" in "necrotic".

- Ghosts Humans Corporeal Undead
Ghosts O X O
Humans X O O
Corporeal Undead O O X1

1. Corporeal undead have unrealistic expectations and are grossed out by each other, and will never form any bonds or attraction to one another.
Author's note: please don't attempt to replicate or verify these results due to the massive risk it holds, and that it's gross and really uncomfortable so please

2. Is evolution real?
The existence of dwarves and elves proves evolution. No intelligent creator would ever design something with so much hubris or, in the case of dwarves, hair. Yuck. Dwarves evolved from stones, and there is a callback to the earlier stages in their evolution by the thin, weird stone egg they are born from. Elves evolved from flowers or something which probably explains why they're big vain jerks who think themselves very important but smell quite nice.

3. Powdered Cockatrice Beak for Personal Problems
Supporting the cockatrice horn trade is a very poor choice for more than just the fact that these creatures are being hunted down and debeaked as a treatment for problems in bed, it is completely ineffective. It is ineffective due to the series of ten glands that are actually responsible for the petrification effect in a living cockatrice, and these glands disappear as soon as they die and are also invisible while they're alive, to keep their powers kept from going into the wrong hands. Doing a line of powdered cockatrice beak will just make your nose bleed and nothing else, if you really want something effective try a "transmute mud to stone" spell.

4. Necromancy is Evil?
Is it evil to use a sword? No, the evil is in the acts that the person wielding the sword commits. Don't be so judgmental, just because some people raise the dead and use them to do cool things so they don't have to.

5. Is the Future is Cool?
No. I've been there, it's terrifying and huge and loud and everyone has magic wands that shoot anything from lightning to gigantic spikes, and they all wear iron golems for armor and turn their friends into gigantic metal beasts similar to a cockatrice, centipede, and platypus all in one. What's worse is that one of these futuremen has found their way into our world and is terrorizing the countryside because he thinks our world is an amusement park recreation of the past, and is unable to be harmed by our primitive weaponry. BEWARE THE FUTURE.

6. Adventurers get rated?
It's true, there is an official tier listing of all adventurers, with a select few being chosen for the God Tier. A good source of advice on surviving to see yourself attain such a high status would be found in the publication How to Survive the Dungeon by Raddoh the Aviator!

7. Do ghosts have social circles?
Yes, they do! In fact, all ghosts know each other, it's part of being a ghost. This is why, if you were trapped in an event horizon for example, you couldn't fool a ghost into thinking you are one unless you can fool them into thinking you are someone who is a ghost. You can't act like your dead version of yourself, you know? But most ghosts do not know they are ghosts though it's like how a cat knows that a dog is not a cat but it doesn't necessarily know that it is a cat

8. Do dogs dream?
Yes they do but they are not smart enough to know that they're dreaming which is why they do dumb things when they're awake. A dog would go "Whoa I was able to run through doors yesterday why can't I now?" because they had a dream they could run through things.

Dear Geoffrey

Geoffrey Diamonds accepts any mail to help adventurers with their own troubles and will respond as soon as possible.

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