Braynoch’s Cliffs, part XX: We're Wizards, Not Monsters.

The dungeon of the Lizard Queen is much as we left it: the Lizard-folk are quick to attempt to re-take their lost tunnels.

During last week’s adventures—in which our maps of the early levels were improved and connected, and some remaining treasure recovered—a proposal was made to Orm, chief of the Calnican Order here ‘pon Braynoch’s Cliff. If we can clear the remaining cultists and their chthonic servants from the first levels, perhaps the monks will be able to retake, after many years, the Fortress Level where once they stood with Aaron against the demon horde below.

The party

Mumblefluff with Benedictish Frankwich, and Silent X
Gustav IV: Gustavus Musselmenschen with Gyorrj le Kay the Demon Slayer
Geoffrey Diamonds with Ralfh
Bilmungr af Spondelag (?)
Bob with Hayzeus the Meek and Fuckslayer

Bob's Little Book of Popularity

Raddoh and Geoffrey Diamonds finally had their work pay off: three things occurred after the publication of the book Bob's Little Book of Learning:

1. Overzealous fans are appearing around town and are really excited to see the fictional heroes in the flesh. You get a "If I can't have you, no-one can." vibe from them but they've been harmless… so far.
2. Geoffrey was commissioned to write a book by one of the Nine Poets.
3. The party of BLBL fame have been invited to a party in the courts of Bjorn Fel Heart, where Geoffrey has been asked to do a reading.

Extra men at arms were immediately hired to guard our homes and our ship after this happened, because nothing is worse than a fandom.

Down, down, down.

We delved down to finally retrieve that one chest that has eluded us for so long. Geoffrey Diamonds attempted to dispel the magic alarm upon the door and failed, but didn't become paralyzed himself. Fourteen Lemure demons entered the room, backed by four wraiths! Hayzeus and crafty use of holy water managed to keep them at bay, and soon they were killed and the wraiths turned. After Hayzeus pursued them debating theology and the wraiths ran to save their belief systems from the terrifying prospect of introspection and criticism, the chest was obtained and the party returned to the surface in good speed. Killer the Wardog was aged ten years and now is living out his life in relative comfort at the house in Huge Red, barking at nothing and being carried outside to pee and poop. Ser Cleve's red and white striped hat was unable to be located. Three statues attacked us, and Schlongzor was extremely useful in both the actual fight and making puns about "a rock and a hard place". Heh heh heh.

Guards! Goblins!

Upon returning to the first level of the dungeon, we decided to try and find Olbrectus the goblin boss. Using Mumblefluff's ESP spell, we detected a small squad of guards lost to the southeast. After saving them from a big dumb smoke thing, they thought we were shapeshifters so we just left them. Later, we ran into another squad of calnican soldiers, who apparently went to find them but never returned. These guards are the equivalent of Adventure Time's Bananaguards and are wholly, 100% incompetent at every single task. Maybe they're yam guards, except they don't get better after a certain point?1

In searching for Olbrectus, however, we were not successful. He fled the room, leaving his horde of goblins behind. Five were carried back to town while asleep, to serve as the beginnings of Reta and Ralfh's blossoming horde and help with some super double top secret Anti-Death Club plans. No, we aren't going to kill them or something like that. We're wizards, not monsters.

Olbrectus is still at large, even if he's missing a large chunk of his horde he still has at least a few bugbears on the next level down in his service. Also, he loves to touch horses and probably thinks they're pretty, too (yuck)!

Next Week

The smoke thing on the first level might be good to get out of the way super quickly so it doesn't kill any other of our friends. Olbrectus is still at large, too. There are many areas we uncovered last week on the second level that would be worth scouting out more, as it's in our best interests to kill as many lizard people as possible and clearing those spaces would be cool. The more we kill, the more our Calnican friends can send patrols further down to make it less likely that we get random attacks.

Alternatively, we can delve down much further to the place the anti-cleric Jubjik was captured, where we may be more likely to find Ser Cleve, or at least the riches (and big badass monsters) he spoke of in his confessions.


1 super awesome magic sword
1 wardog (retired)
91% of the duplex built by Rosencrantz. Sorry, Rosencrantz.


1 gold signet ring @ 2 sp
1 black pearl
2 chests (priceless)
580 CP
878 SP
113 GP

Each share of treasure was worth 216 sp

Monsters slain

23 goblins @ 10 each
1 wraith @ 240
14 Lemures @ 120

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