Rated: Fiction E - English - Adventure - Comedy - [Sftabhmontown] - Chapters: 1 - Words: 695 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 8


Archibald Learns the Value of Puberty and Friendship

By: Geoffrey Diamonds

Archibald Arborlax was an wizard with much wisdom. Archibald stood alone on a beach, gazing over the sparkly ocean and water with his soulful many-colored visionspheres. Where was it? His heart stirred and he restied his cheek on one closed fist. He looked mournfully at his parchment and charcoal, then absent-mindedly adjusted his shirt and tremendous silver katana that was strapped to his back. Beautiful wings sprouted from his back and the huge duck he had for his arm, Puberty, was the only thing that could detract from his gorgeous, flowing locks of golden hair that the cool ocean wind lazily played with.

Something was off about today, but he just couldn't place it. The birds seemed to sing differently, the ocean seemed hesitant to lap at the shore. Was today the day the Peregrine of the Periphery would show up? Could he finally finish his quest to document it? It already was quite late, Archibald thought, the bird was supposed to be here days ago…

“Trouble, friend?” the sagely and handsome Geoffrey Diamonds said, offering a glass of wine to his good friend Archibald. Archibald grumbled and kept is gaze skyward, waiting for the great bird. Archibald was sometimes needy and close to Geoffrey Diamonds but also cold and distant but being a good friend Geoffrey tried his best to hide his pain.

Suddenly, Archibald spoke, startling Geoffrey Diamonds: “I 'ave been tryin' ter find this fin' fer wa too long na. it should 'ave shahn up 'ere a few days ago.”

"Archibald, don't worry…" Geoffrey said simply with an admiring look and a smile on his face. Geoffrey's gentle eyes but stately demeanor showed his spotless, pure heart and soul. His refined robes and toned but slender body effortlessly strode across the sand closer to Archibald and patted him on the back.

"Geoffrey. Ah feared it ma not come." Archibald whispered.  

"Of course it will," Geoffrey replied. 

Archibald frowned, but Geoffrey suddenly saw something overhead. “What's that?!” he pointed. Archibald's heart raced as he saw a great bird flying overhead.

"What is it, Archibald?" Geoffrey Diamonds said excitedly. 

“THE BLOODY PEREGRINE UV THE PERIFEREE, YAH SOD!” he belted out as he grabbed his easel and began hastily doodling.

As the peregrine got closer though something was obviously off. The wings did not flap like a normal birds and it was shedding feathers. Soon, it landed not too far away and stood up on two legs, suddenly laughing was heard as someone came out from inside the fake bird. Geoffrey and Archibald shared a knowing look and both said at the same time “BJORN!” except when Archibald said it it sounded cooler because he has an accent.

“That's right! I've captured your stupid bird and now made you look like a tool! You're such a nerd!” Bjorn laughed.

Archibald fumed and his face turned red, but suddenly he relaxed and laughed. “Ya got me good ya fuckor, put 'er there.” Archibald extended Puberty toward Bjorn.

Bjorn is a peculiar creature and unable to turn down any praise because he's so full of himself despite thinking it was weird that a duck arm was being held toward him. With a furrowed brow and a grimace, he raised his hand and shook Archibald's creepy duck arm.

Suddenly, feathers began sprouting from Bjorn's arm and soon, his whole body as he also began shrinking. “Not agaaaaaaaain! Nooooo, fuck yooo-” Bjorn began to yell before it turned into a series of agitated quacks.

Geoffrey Diamonds picked up Bjornduck and hugged it, saying “I have a friend for you! I'm going to feed you so many seeds and bread crumbs.” as Archibald laughed.

Then suddenly the RESPLENDENT real Peregrine of the Periphery landed in front of them and spoke telepathically with Archibald. “You have saved me from my curse and for that, you forever have my thanks.” It pecked him lightly on the cheek sort of like a kiss and then flew away back onto it's course around the edge of the world.

Archibald and Geoffrey sat on the beach finishing the drawing and their bottle of wine and taking turns drunkenly chasing after Bjornduck and scaring it before roasting and eating it after they got back to Huge Red.

The End.

rating: +1+x
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