Bronzebeard The Average

"Hey guys, what'd I miss?"
~ Bronzebeard the Average, Merciless Assassin of the Dwarves

Bronzebeard the Average, Merciless Assassin of the Dwarves, son of Blackbeard the Extraordinary, brother to Copperbeard the Mad, Dirtbeard the Rude and Meatbeard the Tepid, was a mostly undistinguished member of the Sftabhmontown Adventurers and heir to the throne of 'Ardstone. He was slain by worgs and werewolves at the Manor House on the quest to slay the Cat of Storvadis.


Bronzebeard is notable for having appeared at, but failing to contribute constructively to, many of the party's most famous victories, as well as for never once meeting the party's nemesis, Kazekish the Undying, through pure chance.

The Tower

Bronzebeard met the party unceremoniously as they searched a banshee's tower. Upon encountering the banshee, Bronzebeard immediately established himself as a fine comrade by (1) not instantly dying and (2) inflicting a staggering zero wounds upon their screaming, undead assailant. The former of these accomplishments immediately distinguished Bronzebeard from Cliff Saltspring, who had instantly died not hours before. The earthy smell was constant between the two.

The Storm Giant at Sea

Upon encountering a hostile storm giant, Bronzebeard missed the terrible titan several times while the rest of the party killed it.

The Nine Pirates' Cursed Treasure

Bronzebeard was also part of several sea battles during the Nine Pirates saga, which served as a turning point in his history as one of the party's front-line combatants. Rather than switch to his formerly trusty mace during a sudden boarding action, Bronzebeard elected to use his grappling hook as a weapon. His planning was so lacking in good sense that he immediately slew three boarders, the first kills any member of the party remembers.

The Lord Winter Saga: the Edge of the World (and Hell)

Like many members of the Sftabhmontown Adventurers, Bronzebeard had been to both the seas at the edge of the world, and to hell itself, during the Lord Winter saga. Sailing across the former, Bronzebeard was one of many party members who defeated the traitorous demon, the Baron Cranius.

Later travelling to hell through the magic log with Morden Mordeth and Killgore II, Bronzebeard would make a rare reasonable suggestion of simply melting the log's captured exit free of its chains using the insidious powers of Morden's new ally, the demon Barkitor Svensworth.

Presented with the rare opportunity of crafting with infernal ores and forges, Bronzebeard engaged in no other significant activity while in hell.

Morden's Marauders Saga

Bronzebeard took part of the Morden's Marauders saga as part of the assault on both the Queen's castle and the city jail, falling (but living) in both. In the latter attack Bronzebeard was first referred to as "the Merciless Assassin of the Dwarves" when he unsuccessfully attempted to intimidate the jailhouse guards into an early retreat.

The Quest for the Cat of Storvadis

Shortly after being named heir to his father's throne (though still failing to earn Blackbeard the Extraordinary's love), Bronzebeard led the first leg of the journey to find and slay the Cat of Storvadis. Along the way he arranged, with Morden Mordeth, a elaborate illusion to trick voices in the woods demanding the party's horses, and kept the party's maps.

Bronzebeard was finally slain on this journey, in a confrontation with a troll and a pack of worgs at the Manor House, only a few days travel from the old wall.

Personal Life

Bronzebeard was the temporarily favoured son and heir of Blackbeard the Extraordinary, Lord of 'Ardstone. He had numerous brothers, each more disappointing to their father than the last. Among these brothers the most notable is Copperbeard the Mad, who is indeed quite mad, and notorious for both having bound demons into his weapons and for succumbing to the insanity that comes with trafficking with demons.

Bronzebeard was briefly survived by his estranged halfling manservant, Bannerbeck Breglybergnipple, who was slain by a naga mere days after meeting with the party.

Raddoh and Bronzebeard travelled for many months together as the party's resident dwarves. Due to their shared history, culture and interests, they failed to develop a friendship, or indeed any bond, of any depth or meaning whatsoever.

Sons of Blackbeard the Extraordinary
Copperbeard the Mad (heir) - Bronzebeard the Average (deceased) - Dirtbeard the Rude (deceased) - Meatbeard the Tepid
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