Archibald Arborlax

I hav' gon' thru puberty; me only regret is that I could not do the same to our foe…
~ Archibald Arborlax, dying.

He'll live forever in fan fiction.
~ Geoffrey Diamonds, eulogizing.

Archibald Arborlax, bein' a wizzuhdy type n' sorts o' buhhdwo'cha, izza trooffully fine ge'leman on a mehhjickal koowest.


E' also be excessively Bri'ish, loike in be in' frum jolly Engelnd (Engelnd izza real fi'shunal place fullov cuecumbah san'wishes n' the Queen lives theah).


Izzn't i' tho?


Bein' frum Engelnd, Mr. Archibald's di'lect be not puhfec'ly consistent with yeh real world "Eng-land."



So Mr. Archibald e' be roit inta the faverittest of Engelish passtimes: the wotchin' uv buhhds, wichiz roit luvvley wif a cup o' bollocks (wichiz Engelish for tea) an' a piker (whichiz Engelish for operuh glaahses) restin' in fronnuv yeh ois (whichiz Engelish for on topuv yeh nose).

Anywho, bein' a ge'leman uv sum cunsidrabble learning (bein, among other things an Engelish mayja) Archibald learned uv the legend of the pencil necked peregrine uv the periferee: a fine white peregrine (whichiz Engelish for albatross) uv a wingspan uv a hundred (Engelish) feet, wot which suhcles the edge o' the world all tipped sideways-like, speakin' only inna fine limerick, composed n' refined o'er tha centuries.

Archibald plans to sketch this fine buhhd in chahhcoal n' send the sketch to the luvley Queen.

Of Engelnd.

Notable Exploits

Surviving, if not thriving, with 4 strength, 5 wisdom and 5 charisma.

Technically led, at least for a time, this exercise in poor taste and bad judgement.

Went through Puberty.

Devised a curious method of scouting down a dungeon toilet for danger by lowering a duck on a leash lashed to 150 feet of rope while Billbucket read the thoughts of the duck and Ferreus conversed with the duck directly using Speak with Animals.

Returned from the dead, but as a zombie and not as a cool, bird-watching, tea-drinking, level-draining wight.

Fictional Exploits



Constricted by the tentacle of a vile otyugh, Archibald was swallowed whole, knocked senseless, partially digested and totally killed.


Held a mirror. Helped.

People Archibald has Turned Into a Duck

  • Amadea, a bad cleric sacrificed to pass a saving throw and learn Ray of Fire / Cold.
  • Nesta and Wigley, men (now ducks) at arms eaten by an otyugh, one before Archibald was eaten by the same otyugh, the other, after.


Archibald's own Birdwatcher's Book of Observations:

(1) Detect Magic
(1) Exterminate
(1) Hold Portal
(1) Marionette
(1) Ray of Fire / Cold
(1) Read Languages
(1) Read Magic
(1) Summon
(1) Summon Elementine
(1) Unseen Servant

(2) Blindness / Deafness
(2) Detect Evil
(2) ESP
(2) Hapless Fool
(2) Invisibility
(2) Knock
(2) Locate Object
(2) Phantasmal Force

The Codex Energeisis Ornerium Faeris (inherited from Fragglerock Crucifix):

(1) Charm Person
(1) Chromatic Orb
(1) Light / Darkness
(1) Magic Missile
(1) Protection from Evil
(1) Shield
(1) Sleep

The book of Gallow the Bruised (inherited from Llwellyn Lywellen):

(1) Charm Person
(1) Floating Disc
(1) Hold Portal
(1) Magic Missile
(1) Protection from Evil
(1) Read Languages
(1) Shield
(1) Sleep
(1) Unseen Servant

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